he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
