This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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