I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
