pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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