i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
