I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
