And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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