My friends, they love my intelligence
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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