wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
