there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
