My sheets look like a crime scene.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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