I seem to have left my pride at pride
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
