I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
