Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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