when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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