He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
