even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
