Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
