dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
