just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
