i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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