remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
