I wanna passion pit in your ass
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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