Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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