I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
