taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need moral support for this bender
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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