Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They have beer where we have blood.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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