Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
