When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
