Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
