Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
