so that wasnt chicken after all
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
