You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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