Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
