Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
