Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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