dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
