The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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