There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
