I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
