So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
