I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
