Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
