So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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