She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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