I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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