did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
