Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
