"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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