I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
