i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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