saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
